If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
