I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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