Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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