its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
