Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
