I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
high people should be assigned attendants
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
