girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
