i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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