I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
