a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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