Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
