he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have fence marks all over my body
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
