She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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