I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's always time for handjobs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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