and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
