I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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