There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
