Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
