i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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