we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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