My hand turned me down
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
