this beer tastes like vomit already
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
