he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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