What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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