Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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