you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Terrible idea I love it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
