I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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