Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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