ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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