went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
