Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
