your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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