just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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