I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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