the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you remember whose house we're in?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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