I think I died a long time ago.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
