...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
