I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
