New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
