the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
