Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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