New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize