i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
