so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
