i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
