I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
