in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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