A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
