can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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