Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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