Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
how does that bad decision feel?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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