Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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