Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
