When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
