So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
