I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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