...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
