You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
