i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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