I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I supernannyed him into submission
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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