i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
