at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
