We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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