I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
