do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
